If-Then Statements

When I was in College the last class I took before I could graduate was Logic. I never dreamed that I could use Logic on my gigs. Well here are a Few "If/Then" Statements" from my gig tonight.

1) IF: Soundcheck is at 4:30pm, THEN: you really are checking at 6:30pm
2) IF: you are the opening Act, THEN: expect to get nothing out of your stage monitors until the last tune.
3) IF: it's been 45 minutes and the second band hasn't went on yet THEN: Your bread just might be short!
4) IF: you go in the "green-room" and there's no green to be found (i.e. fruit, vegetable platter) THEN: the Green that folds might be absent as well!..LoL
5) IF: you are the opening act and you plan on doing all 10 of your numbers THEN: Think again!
6) IF: there are 5 horns and you can't hear the man next to you THEN: suck it up
7) IF: when You're leaving you see the promoter on his cell phone pacing THEN: Fill in the blank