When You're Late for a Gig Always:

1) Walk in looking madd with your face scrunched up and If that don't work pour water on your face and run inside(preferably sparkling spring water for the beaded effect!)
2 Keep the tension in your eyebrows until the last set. By then the kats have forgotten and will be ready to forgive you.
3) Take a "Killin" solo / Or pass the Bass player the 1st solo. That'll come in handy later. Trust!
4) Pretend like you fought the cab driver.
5) Be unaware of daylight savings time and walk in slow like you ain't wrong.
6) Let the Kats who've been there the last 45mins waiting on you call the tunes for the remainder of the 1st set. Coming in screaming: " Yo, Lets do Inner Urge" may be a Little presumptuous.
7) Smell Good. (i don't know....just may work!)
8) Fall down when you come in (dont ask its a sympathy thing!)
9) Play inside the changes with alotta quotes from famous nursery rhymes until the second set.
10) Walk in speaking Spanish on your Cell phone (but only if there's no one Spanish in the band)

Funny things I heard at a Gig

Dude #1 says: "Man, yall sound good, I got a $300 budget and wanna have a party. What can I get for that Money?"
Kat #2 says, "Get an Ipod , and put it on Shuffle"


Dude #1says: "Hey, man you sound real good, I was wondering...I just opened up a club and would love for you to bring your band by and do a set"
Kat#2 "Kool, man that sounds good. When can we get in there?"
Dude#1 says: "Man, come by Saturday night from 8-12. I like to audition you 1st to make sure you know all the standards"
Kat#2 Thinkin (what da heck!?!?!?) but says: "Wow, ok well how much would the real gig pay if I passed the audition?"
Dude #1 says "$250 for a quartet and you play from 8pm-1am."
Kat#2 says "Ok, I'll do you one better. I'll pay you $250 to walk away from me and never look back"

10 Signs that Your Money is Short for a Gig

1) The club owner calling a cab during the last set
2) The infamous "yeah, let me holla at you Bruh" speech
3) Long talks outside the club with the band leader and promoter
4) The bartender sittin in the front row during your second set.
5) Any gig that offers "exposure"
6) The promoter's on the phone while you're breaking down
7) Every member of the band has a check with a different date.
8) The club owner counting cash at the cash register at the bar
9) Playing at a club that just opened yesterday
10) Playing at a club where the piano is in tune.

Dress Code Nightmare: The night i met Monk

About 8 years ago after having just moved to the DC area i got called to do a "society gig". Now, here in DC the term "society gig" translates to: Good Pay/Strict Regulations/ And playing with a bunch of kats who you've never seen before a day in your life. You don't go into these kinda gigs lookin to hear something deep over a minor 2-5-1 progression. I mean it's nothing for the drummer to whip out a metronome before he counts off the tempo to "Satin Doll"..LoL. But anyway, on this particular gig my man calls me and says "man I gotta pretty good paying gig for you.....the only catch is it's tomorrow and it's black-tie". Now I moved up to DC with $35 bucks....and by this time that money had dwindled away, so I was amped up! So i was broke and excited but didn't have a tuxedo so I borrowed a bow tie from my man. I also borrowed a black suede-esque jacket from my cousin. So i show up at the gig and the kats in the band are very courteous but "tight". But it's all good. So we play the first set and everything goes well. I was editing my solos like a mugg: "Ok, Dre no Tri-Tone subs".."Ok, stick to the melody". But anyway the apex of this story happens when we take our 1st break. So the vocalist , who is the leader that night, walks up to me and ,let me remind you that this is the 1st conversation we've had all night and says: "Is that what you call Black-Tie?". I'm thinking: "This chick is straight TRIPPIN!" I had to put this make-shift outfit together to save her butt after another kat canceled at the last minute and this is the thanks I get!?!?. So I was like: "Well, this is black-tie at 24hours NOTICE!" ...LoL. One last thing: I noticed the strangest thing about the piano player. Whenever he wasn't playing he had his hands clasped in front of his belly like a Monk. LoL. I thought it to be very strange(but hey what do I know maybe this kat was deeply spiritual !). Ok i could let it pass when he was walking around but not WHEN YOUR SITTING DOWN. LoL. So as the night goes on and the gig is winding down, we do our last song and begin breaking down. I looked at the piano player and for the first time his hands weren't clasped to reveal, one of the TIGHEST tuxedo Jackets I had ever SEEN in LIFE...LoL. So I discovered that his hands were clasped all night to hide the fact that his jacket wouldn't button. LoL. What a night.

The Open Mic Circuit

Open mics are pretty unpredictable. I dig them because they cahallenge me to be up on my "ear-game" when it comes to figuring out a tune on the spot. I've been playing open mikes for the last 15 years. And BOY can they be funny. I once had a singer tell me that "We weren't in the right key for Her" So she then suggests that we take it up an OCTAVE! LOL......I looked at the bass player who's face was about to burst and then I smirked and said OK....I began playing in the same key as before and she said: " Yeahhhhhhh, that's it!"....Amazing.

Opening Blog

There have been so many gigs that I've been on where I just shared a glance at the piano player and we agreed through eye contact that "no one would believe us" if we told them what just happened. I mean you can't even write this stuff. Priceless, is the foolishness that we as musicians run into on our gigs. This is the place where we come and share our stories with each other. Take it from me, a person who's been gigging professionally for 20 years, sometimes you need these laughs to get you through some of these gigs! So please feel free to share your stories. Oh and do us a favor and spare the obscenities. This is a family show!